Ever feel like you have so much to do, or that you were so busy, but yet you can’t recall or maybe even see the efforts of all those things that you did?
I think being accustomed to the American culture causes me to be goal driven and want to see visible results even when I don’t necessarily need them…if that makes sense. When I experience a week of Spanish study that leaves me feeling like I found out more about what I don’t yet know, than I actually learned or understood about the little that I do know; I find myself grasping at what will make me feel accomplished. Maybe it’s a small goal, like finally using the right past tense of venir (to come) in a sentence… that one seems to get the best of me every time I try to use it, or making it through my flash cards without a mistake. Either way it’s easy to doubt my ability to learn Spanish, or to even be effective here in Mexico.
You’re thinking, “Wow, who invited Debbie downer,” but just give me a minute here. These moments of feeling complete inadequacy draw me to His Word, the only place for truth. At the beginning of this week I read Matthew 14 and the story of Jesus walking on the water to the disciples as they were helpless, in a boat, in the midst of a raging storm. It seemed to them that they were in an impossible situation, there was strong wind and they were fighting with all their might against the heavy waves crashing against their boat, they had no control over their situation. Then, Jesus came walking to them. Not knowing it was Him, they feared even more for their lives, but He spoke to them across the waves, “don’t be afraid. Take courage I am here.” Peter, wanting the tangible, that thing to wrap his faith around, answered the Lord, “If it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.” “Okay, come” and as Jesus waited, Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water towards Him. Bu,t as Peter saw the raging waves around him he began to doubt, and terrified began to sink! As he was drifting under the waves he cried out to the Lord, “Save me!” and immediately Jesus reached out and lifted him up saying “you have such little faith, why do you doubt me?”
Often I feel like I’m in the middle of a “Spanish storm” so to speak. I have no control over how fast I learn, or what I grasp, even though I may put in a lot of hours of study. So, this week the Lord has been reminding every time I doubt my abilities to learn language, or my effectiveness in ministry or His plan in bringing us here…I can hear His voice. “You are my child, my Son in you is your ability, your strength, your effectiveness…so why do you have such little faith, why do you doubt me?”
He has perfect timing for all things in our lives, and the perfect lessons along the way to teach us about who He is, and why we should never doubt. We have been here for 5 months now, and as I approach our 6 month of language study it is with your prayers, and Christ within me that I am resting in Him to take my hand as I get out of the boat.
P.S. Here are some more pictures from the week. Love and appreciate you all.